speechless

my eyes r red,swollen n puffy... i can hear my artery pounding inside my head..i noe tat im tired.. physically,mentally n emotionally.. but i juz cant rest well.. after wat i've been through..

my days r like roller coaster,juz like wat Calv said..i hate roller coaster.. my feelings these few days r way too complicated.. joy,happiness,sadness,anger,furious,disappointment,guilt,down.. why?

at first,i dun mind wat u did.. n i noe i can handle it well.. but the last thing u did had exceeded the limit.. i dunno wat to do but runaway.. as far as i can.. n forget bout everything.. but i noe its hard.. n im not tough enough.. but i guess time will heal it..no more sorry from u...

c'mon.. i noe i did wrongly tis time.. it's my fault..n i deserved the punishment..but why cant u juz trust me?? after wat i've done to prove u tat im independent enough to handle my own life?? i noe i hav really bad temper..n i've learnt how to control it.. i noe i sux in my studies.. n i've tried my best to improve my studies.. i abandoned my extra curricular activities b4 tis.. n i've found my passion to extra curricular activities n put lots of effort on them.. i noe too much activities wil affect my studies,piano n violin.. but still i will finish all my hw,do my revision,practise my piano n violin eventhough i hafta sacrifice my bed time.. u said i never spend time with family.. if yes, then i wont be at home, insist to hav dinner together unless there r some unexpected activities.. u said im too wild,made u worried coz i hang out with ppl u dunno.. but how u wanna noe all my frens?? or u wan me to be a nerd?? i noe study is my priority, but i need some spaces n time to hang out with frens..or even some time for me to be alone is gd enough..

now u wan me to give up everything..coz u dun trust me anymore.. but one thing i can say here is.. i never lie bout my extra curricular activities..the way u accuse me hurts me.. u always thought tat i juz wanna play n hav fun.. u never noe wat i've done to overcome all the pressure when i was doing all the stuffs.. i hafta take care of my studies, extra curricular activities n piano.. there is so much more that u cant c..but tat doesnt mean tat i didnt do my job.. i can prove tat u r wrong bout me.. but i dun wanna do it.. since u dun trust me anymore.. there's no more i can say to u..

i wont give up wat i hav now..coz i've worked hard for it.. but i noe i cant maintain wat i am now.. since u wont let me to join any of the activity anymore.. council n committee board wont let me stay if im not working.. but i hope i can help out by doing all the paper works..

i noe u worked very hard for the family..n wat i did is nth compared to u..u juz dun und me..n there's no way to und u.. u cant judge me juz like tat..u wil never noe me.. the more u control me, the further i wil go away from u.. u can hav my body with u.. but not my heart n soul.. i wil be a perfect daughter as u wish..physically..

im sorry for wat i've done..for letting u down...but not for ur accusation..

Pinky,im sorry im gonna let u down..now u hafta do more to cover up my job..

Rich,im sorry i cant take BP Award with u..n bout MPTE..

Fufu,im sorry i cant continue ur job to help CS..

Fiona,im sorry tat i cant be Fiona anymore..im juz a figure..walking without a soul..